Next Time = zero.

It's got to be up in the thousands by now...
the number of times this has happened.

I've become a better person because of it, and I've learned a lot about people...especially those living in bitterness and anger. I've learned that they are miserable and their desire is for everyone else to live at the same level. The things they accuse others of are perhaps the very same things that can be spoken about their own lifestyle.

I won't let this happen to me next time, oh wait I forgot...there won't be a next time. I'm done. For real this time. I will move on.

Moving on with life, with friends, with the man of my dreams, with school, and with being me...Tiffany Hope.

Yes there's hope...more than just my middle name. But it's all found in God and the Holy Spirit.

I've tried, I've begged, I've talked, and I've pleaded... but it hasn't changed. It just gotten worse. I take myself out and away from it...her.

It's up to God and her now... she'll have to answer for it someday.

Until then... I'm not letting her get in my way.

Rotten Fruit

Bitter, Angry, Jealous, Unforgiving, Manipulative, Controlling, Naggy, and Negative.

If the above are the primary fruits one produces, what can be said about their relationships with others? What does it say about their relationship with Christ? It is Rotten, or it is rotting.

I don't ever want to have people to have to sit and "rack their brains" in order to find one fruit of the spirit that they see I possess and show on a regular basis. I never want to get to the point that some people do.

I don't want to become a hypocrite that is fake and inconsistent. I don't want to be one person at church or in public, and then a totally different person in the home or with my husband and children.
I want to be authentic, real, and the same person all the time...no matter who I am around. I want to have character and good integrity... do the right things when no one else is watching me or around. I don't want to produce rotten fruit and allow it to affect my character as a woman of God and minister/minister's wife. (future)

I see now why some things have happened. Then, I thought they were ridiculous, absurd, and even a little unfair. Now I see, they are only consequences some people have to experience for allowing rotten fruit to grow in their lives. Now that I see... I have to say that I understand now. Although, it affected more than themselves... it was the best option and choice.

Thank you Jesus for pulling me out of the situation and for fulfilling your promise you spoke to me in the midst of that trouble. Thank you for a new heart. Thank you for a new mind. Thank you for new emotions. Thank you for a new life.

Someday...after Everyday

Someday the sad feeling in my heart that follows every goodbye and goodnight won't be so sad.
Someday the loneliness of long boring days won't be so boring and lonely.
Someday the I love you's won't have to be said 700 miles away.
Someday the longing to be together won't nag at my heart and hurt so much.
Someday the tears won't be in my eye every time he tells me goodnight and goodbye.
Someday we'll be in love and be together forever.
Someday.

Until then...
Everyday I must have patience.
Everyday I must put all my trust in God.
Everyday I must respect and love my love.
Everyday I must let God write my own love story.
Everyday I must strive to become a better woman of God.
Everyday.

Judge a tree by it's fruit...

Lately my mind has been stuck on two things... heroes and the fruits of the spirit. Heroes, I'll get into that at a later time. For now, here goes the fruit.

Apple, Orange, Bananas, Pineapple, Watermelon, Grapes, Kiwi, Strawberry, Mango, Coconut, Cantleope... I don't really like any of those. Occasionaly some watermelon or pineapple...but the others are pretty much a no-go ALL the time.

It's true I don't have much fruit in my diet.

It's true that I DO have fruit in my life though.

But it's okay...the fruit above is not what really matters.
(in a way it does if I don't want to become a 400 lb beast someday)

The fruits of the spirit...they matter.

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

My life bears fruit, everyone's life bears fruit. But what kind does it bear. Does it bear those things listed in Galatians 5:19-21 ( sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarelling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties)? At times all of us make mistakes and show evidence of the things listed before this sentence.

But they shouldn't be what defines us and our lives on a daily basis. It should never become the norm.

Our life should consist primarily of the things listed in Galatians 5:22-23...the fruits of the spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control... because they matter.

For a true christian these things should be evident in their life. Not 24/7/365 and all at the same time because we aren't perfect. We are also human and make mistakes. I said PRIMARILY make up what our life should consist of.

When one doesn't show evidence of the fruit of the spirit in their life as a norm, then I have a hard time believing that they have a true authentic relationship with Christ.

I want it to be evident to others that my life bears fruit...the fruit of the spirit. I want to live my life in a way where people don't have to think and rack their brains about my life bearing that fruit of the spirit. I want it to be obvious.

I want the fruit of my life and the fruit of my relationship with Christ to be that of the spirit.

Good Example or Bad Example... their choice

We are all human. Children are human, and their parents are human.

However, the biggest impact of a child's life is the way the life of their mother and father are lived.

When the child catches the parents making not such a "good choice" and calls them out on it, I wonder what goes through the parent's mind?

Especially when the parent realizes the child is right.

Sunshine and Water

Thank you God for the sunshine and for the water. It's beautiful.

I recently told someone that I thought God made 3/4 of the earth water because He knew that was the best thing He has ever created on eart. It's so great, he wanted to give us a TON of it. and I LOVE IT.

As we speak I'm laying by the pool at my house...basking in the sun. (praise baby Jesus for wireless inernet and laptops)

attempting a sun tan...maybe even a burn if I'm lucky.

(no worries my sun burns always go away in a matter of hours and turn brown).

I love being outside.

Exspecially when there is a pool or large body of water around me (a lake or ocean).

It's exhilirating...
intoxicating...
mindboggling...
refreshing...
peaceful...
tranquil...
and even straight up fun.

There's something about being in the sun and by a pool that almost makes me fall in love with Jesus even more.

Maybe I'm weird, but it draws me closer to Him.

It's inspires me. Makes me want to be a better person.

It brings joy to me... it makes me happy. And it makes me what to make other happy too. Makes me smile...and laugh...and just reminds me how great life truly is.

It's the times when it's quiet and you can hear the quiet sound of the water just splishing together or moving around that makes me reflect on my life. I'm so blessed and privelege.

I have parents who would give me anything under their abilities to make me happy. Who love me no matter what...

I have an incredible boyfriend who adores me and cherishes me...who loves me inside and out...who would die for me...who will protect me no matter the cost.

I have beautiful friends who bring joy to my life...who make me smile...make me laugh...and even make me cry all at the same time. They're precious to me...

I have the privelege to coach wonderful children on my swim team. They look up to me...mimick my every move. It's the privelege my own self to not only coach and teach them about swimming... but to make an impact on their lives as "a person" not just a swimmer.

I get to mentor and pour into the lives of amazing teenage girls who will someday change this world and help turn it around. I'm so lucky to put part of myself into them...

I love water...and the sun.

Helps me remember how lucky I really am.

Thank you Jesus for your gift of sun and water, I love you.

Whirlwinds, Roller Coasters, and Chilling

So I guess that I've prove true that I'm not one to update these things too often. I let it slip by.

yep, slip right on by.

Whirlwinds of things have happened since I last posted.

Relationship mended.
Jobs started.
swim team recruiting done.
asked to lead a small group by myself.
slept in to 11:00 am 2 days in a row.
went to a water park.
sat in the booking room at the local jail and fingerprinted.
and I've been bored too.

Life is great. It really is.

It's an adventure.

It's a roller coaster with its ups and downs almost daily.

But it's not so much about those ups and downs, it's about how we choose to handle them.

So much is going on that I forget to chill out and just reflect.

Reflect on the day, the week, and even the month at times.

I've got to do better at this.

Better at reflecting.
Better at chilling.
Better at relaxing.
Better at letting my mind rest.
Better at being still and knowing that He is God.

Brightest Lyrics by Copeland

Brightest LyricsArtist(Band):Copeland
If you find yourself here on my side of town
I'd pray that you'd come to my door
Talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about
Cause I don't remember anymore
I just know that she warms my heart
And knows what all my imperfections are
And she said that I was the brightest little firefly in her jar
And I just know that she warms my heart
And knows what all my imperfections are
And she says that i am the brightest little firefly in her jar

Perfection...unacheivable

I guess I've been known to screw up quite a few things in my life.

Hah. It's not really a big surprise though.

After all I am TIFFANY.

I mean, I've messed up...
friendships, relationships, relationships with family, and even a whole lot more random things (like science projects).

What is it about myself that I always tend to screw up things.

I say the wrong thing.
I do the wrong thing.
I make the wrong assumptions.
I make the wrong choice.

hmph.

I guess I could get pretty depressed if I wanted.

I could feel sorry for myself.

But,

I don't.

I know I have made the right decision when I gave my life over to God. Wherever He takes me, and whatever He does with me... I know is the best thing for me.

Despite my mess ups... He still loves me and believes in me.

In the meantime, I'll just keep trying.

Keep trying to become better.

Striving for unacheivable perfection.

Teenage Girls and CPR

Early yesterday morning...for me at least...9:30. The pastor at my parents church wants to talk to me about what I'm doing this summer. He wants me to be involved and wants to give me speakin oppurtunities.

"I'll let you be involved and do as much as YOU want to do."

I appreciate his confidence in me, especially not really knowing me. But it made me nervous all at the same time.

I love teenagers.

I love girls (not in a gay way, I'm perfectly in like with my boyfriend, Josh, whom I love and respect).

I love hanging out with teenage girls. Just being able to be their friend.

He tells me the teenage girls small group is without a leader at the moment...then he said it. Or asked it. He asked me to step in for the summer.

Just to build relationships with them.
Hang out with them.
Let them know I care, and that I'm there.

Doesn't sound too hard, does it?

I mean, I'm a pretty sociable person and I have gone to Bible College for two years. Plus grown up with a dad that was a pastor.

But I'm scared. I'm nervous.

I know Jesus will help though. He is my strength.

::chuckle inside to myself:: Now is a great time to believe in myself I suppose, eh? Yeah, I've been learning how to do that lately.

NOW ON A COMPLETE DIFFERENT SPECTRUM...
CPR.

The life saving act of performing CPR.

I have the awesome privelege of working under the wondrous Mrs. Molly Boyle who has mentored me and taught me all the ends and outs when it comes to anything related to aquatics.

This week and next week I am going through the process of obtainting my Lifeguard Instructor certification with the American Red Cross.

I can basically train and certify people to become lifeguards...teach them how to rescue people out of water.
-teach them CPR
-teach them First Aid
-teach them how to use an AED (Automated External Defibrilator)

yea, I can teach them how to use the thing that shocks people with a cardiac emergency.

Part of getting this certification is not only helping Mrs. Boyle with the current lifeguarding class, but also teach a whole lesson by myelf to the class.

I teach tommorow.

I teach CPR tommorow.

Talk about being nervous and scared. If I don't teach this the right way, I'm straight up legally liable.

So yea, CPR... I teach it tommorow to this class of future lifeguards.

Who would have ever thought I'd be doing this?

Training Lifeguards.

WoW.

I've come a long way.

That's right, I said I've come a long way.

Swimmingly and Spiritually.

Thanks Pastor. Thanks Mrs. Boyle.

Thanks for putting confidence in me.

To mentor young girls. To train lifeguards. To teach CPR.

Thanks Jesus.
thanks for everything.

regret.that.hurts

Regret.

It's pretty strong inside right now, and I'm not sure what to do about it.

Ever did something that pretty much just slapped you right back in the face? Yea, I did. Tonight.

I'm sorry.

It just doesn't really do justice though to the way I feel now. Anything, I'd do anything. Just to make it better. I want there to be a way to erase that from your mind and my mind.

Like a dart piercing you in the heart, I'm sure that's how it felt. Now in mine, it's a stabbing numbing pain... just knowing I hurt the one I love the most in such a vast way.

They very thing you needed from me... I gave the opposite. I made things worse, not better.

Sorry I'm not there yet. At that place where you need me to be. I'm not perfect. My actions are not perfect. The words that come out of my mouth are not perfect. I want it to be perfect though.

I'm still your cheerleader.

your supporter

your #1 Fan

your encouragement.

I'm sorry I failed this time.

Oh Lord, what am I to do. I screwed up big time. I've got myself in a hole, a big one. I need this to be better... HE needs this to be better.

Humility...

We all have those times in life when God seems to pull out the very tiniest of tiny things in fr om our flesh. We should all make sure we clean our hearts out daily, but sometimes I find that the Lord is sending me through an extra purification process. The little things that could seem minute to others and even to myself, really do matter to God.

Humility.

It's a word I've been becomming extremely familiar with lately. Admitting I'm not as strong as I want to be. Admitting I'm not as strong even as I want to be.

Since going to college and becomming "my own person" I think I've lost a sense of humility. Not in the way of "I think I'm better" or "I'm the best" or "I've got all these talents". Moreso in a way of not wanting to admit that every now and then I need a little help.

When someone offers to do a favor for you, you should graciously accept. I always tell them thanks, but I've got it under control... because I've become wrapped up with the "I can do it all by myself" attitude because I'm my own person.

I've been blessed with amazing parents, who love me dearly. By no means are they rich, but they have always been really smart with their money. They also sacrifice to the extremes just to make sure I have a good life and go far in life. Not only are they paying for my college (PRAISE THE BABY JESUS), but they also offer at time to give me money just because. I try to turn it down, because I want them to think that I've got it all under control because remember, I'm my own person.

After two years of this... God has begun to deal with me. They offer to help because they love me, not because they see me as weak. I need to accept the money they offer, because I'm actually accepting their love. Them offering to help me out financially is only an act of love... it's a way of saying "We love you Tiffany, hope this helps you out some".

Humility.

I'm learning it. And a whole new meaning to go along with it.

Brand Spankin' New

I suppose I'm rather new at this. At this world of blogging. But here's to a brand new blog...